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BEING BROKE IN YOUR TWENTIES

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Sauti Sol sang “Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you smile”, na kusema ukweli ever since that song was released (even before, but now more than ever) I have been gallivanting from one place to the other chopping monies like the way Mama Mboga chops Sukuma wiki. I tell myself ‘raha usijinyime, drink the very best wine’ but now I think I have blown this line and lines such as ‘kula life na big spoon’ and ‘tumia pesa mpaka ikuzoe’ out of proportion.

I am aware that doing what makes you happy doesn’t necessarily mean spending money, but for the purpose of this article and how my mind is currently geared, it means exactly that-spending money to buy things I really want and doing things I really love thus achieving that smile.

I’m currently looking at my Mpesa balance and what I can say is that it is an extreme sport and quite frankly I deserve to be in the Olympics. Kenya Board of Sports (or whatever you call yourself) do I need to speak louder? It’s only fair to conclude that I am BROKE and just in case you don’t know what I mean, being broke according to Amanda Seales means, ‘breaking the consistency of monetary momentum’;

 Where momentum=mass of the money × velocity at which money is being emptied out. Damn guuuuurrrl! Who’s goin’ check me? Is it you KLB Physics? Naaaah! I mean, Abbot Physics got nothing on me.

CHAPTER 1

Creating a better situation for myself will require me to plan and EXECUTE. I am stressing on executing because the Kenyan government and I have trouble understanding this word. I am cognizant that it might make me uncomfortable but gaining control of my finances will give me a ‘hope to solidity’. In short, kwa wale kizungu imegonga mwamba, budget for your money. In fact, budget for the money before you can even get it. How you do it sounds like whose problem? Ah! Say it again…a ‘you’ problem and that’s on comma because we got more points.

Try to make comprehensive decisions. Don’t save because shit always happens-that’s very shallow yani baby pool- save because you will need to make better choices in the possible future that will enable you to get whatever you want baby. Sijui kama tunapatana. Wacha nifafanue fanu fanu. Don’t save sh2000 for just in case you get caught by the cops, you naughty child, no no hapana; save that money and go for a road trip to a place you have never been to or invest it in something worthwhile.

CHAPTER 2

Dating while broke

Say this with me:  No one’s value in a relationship is based on their financial capabilities but on their ability to be present in the different aspects of your relationship.

 If you want to go on a date but you’re broke then there are so many options that don’t involve spending your inheritance to take your date to just sleep on a presidential suite worth a million shillings. Go for a nature walk, get a free music trial listen to it then cancel it (savage lol), eat chips and drink soda as you watch the sunset. When it comes to giving gifts, find something your partner loves for example, Dairy Fresh na si ati unampelekea kamoja hivyo tu put some thought into it: maybe she was born in June so buy him/her a six-pack since June is the 6th month of the year.

CHAPTER 3

Being the broke friend

From the previous article ‘3Gs Mbele Nyuma’, here are a few things I have come to learn:

  1. You don’t have to go out every time your friends go out. Cheza kiwewe na userereke kivyako.
  2. You don’t have to cut yourself off if you’re broke. You can still go but live within your means. Wakitaka kununua ng’ombe wewe nunua nini? Ndama! Ona sasa hukua unajua mtoto wa ng’ombe ni ndama.
  3. You can always ask your friends to choose places/activities you can afford and if they don’t want to or they still force you to go wewe sema “leo niko kwa keja nasitoki hapa kwa hivyo ukitaka…” Nonini style.
  4. When it comes to splitting costs, you can always take a stand and say you’re only paying for the milk you drunk. Splitting saa ngapi? Why am I paying for porridge I didn’t drink?

…you nah mean?

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30 Comments

  5. Anita on

    Aki this is so good it deserves a column on today’s newspaper😭😩…. I love I love I love!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Muthoni on

      Hah! Why? Unless it’s coming from your abundance and you would like to share.😂😂

  10. Misky on

    Gosh. I have laughed so hard at this but most importantly, I have gained such needed insight. Wueeh I stan!

  13. Mutarura on

    I don’t know why I thought ndama was a camel! lol
    But Message received loud and clear!!