EAT LESS CRAP

School pressure, job pressure, relationship shenanigans, family stress, money problems…now food? C’mon adulting. What did I ever do to you?

As a child, I hated eating food. I loathed everyone who forced me to eat terere, spinach, managu, and liver. Haha yes, I hated liver. I wanted to eat fries, hamburgers, Fanta Citrus, and Big G for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Maybe throw in some ice cream because why not?

I couldn’t wait to be an adult because it meant I could eat whatever I want, whenever I want. For so many days I fantasized about having ice cream at 1:00 am without the whole sermon of how I will get sick. I probably jerked off on that fantasy ha-ha. Now that I am an adult or whatever it is I am, I realized that yes I can eat whatever I want and whenever I want but it doesn’t mean I should eat it all. That’s how 18 years of fantasies went down the drain like BBI.

I seriously never thought I would ever say this… I need to get my food life together. I’m saying I never thought I would say this because I am the biggest believer in eating anything you want before it becomes only milk and honey on the menu. No ugali matumbo or Mama Oliech’s fish or Artcaffe wings. None of that. There might be variations like extra milk with blue honey but that’s all there is. You can try to carry your MacCoffee to heaven though.

Anyway, what was I saying? Ah! Getting my food life together mmh…Where do I start? Honestly, as insignificant as it may seem, mastering to eat healthily is one of the hardest things about adulting. I mean, I would love to eat murenda, pumpkin, soya beans and sorghum but I live in the capital city. Just kidding. I just feel like eating these things is something I should do when I’m 81 after I have eaten every other thing the world has to offer.

Ok, I try to eat healthily but I think it’s because I am at home. I don’t have a choice. The real challenge is eating healthy when you’re living alone. Actually, the real challenge is just eating anything when you’re living alone. You don’t notice when you have skipped meals but when you do, you run to get fries or chapo smokie or indomie. Indomie! Watu wamekula indomie hadi wanatembea hivi ~~~~ kama tu hizo Indomie. Chapo smokie vendors are the new millionaires in town because that’s what university students practically live on.

The good thing though is that after 5 days of eating chapo smokie, chapo mutura, chapo mayai and chapo sijui nini, you miss homemade food so you decide to treat yourself to a 6-course home-made meal. Just before you start to cook, some devil of thought crosses your mind. Who has the energy to wash all those dishes? Ah, si a must. And you’re back to viazi karai, mutura with kachumbari busy consoling yourself that you are having a balanced diet. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. That’s a small lie so I will forgive you. But for this one, I need an essay quoting the Kapenguria Six why in the world do you live like you’re in a KFC Air BnB? You’re always ordering in. Ok, I understand sometimes you can be too tired to cook. But you’re “always tired”. Monday through Sunday. It’s reached a point you can even reverse call Uber Eats for your order yawaa!

You’d think I’m judging you. But I am. At least I have the courtesy to order in once in never because jeez, am I the only one who has realized that eating food you’re paying for is mad expensive? Adulting has taught me to eat the githeri at home instead. Previously when your folks would sponsor the meal, you’d leave the steamed veggies on your plate. Now you pack them for the next day’s dinner to accompany your ugali.

I know at this point you’re pissed at me because you had not realized (or had ignored) the fact that food could be such a predicament. Someone however had to remind you that binge eating, binge drinking, eating junk every day, and compromising nutritious food for soda and bread will have adverse effects on you as you age. It might be hella expensive to eat nutritious meals but it is way more expensive to deal with the repercussions of eating poorly. Fries might be tastier but you can always find ways of turning those bitter herbs into something you can enjoy. Also, remember they are called bitter herbs for a reason.

What I am saying is that you should research how to have a fresh start when it comes to eating healthy in your twenties. I don’t want to tell you to drink in moderation, to eat your veggies, to practice portion control, exercise/be active, detox every once in a while…oops I just told you. There are so many other ways of making sure you’re eating healthy. Find what works for you. I know that just thinking of what to eat is as stressful as thinking of the debt Kenya has, but whatever your decision remind yourself to eat less crap.

PS: I know one apple a day keeps the doctor away but hey, does one small apple have to cost sh40?