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FREAKING TWO ZEROs

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Everyone is busy writing and posting their new year’s resolutions and I am like …ok my handwriting is super cute so why not waste some paper and write down mmh…uuh… I don’t even know. Everyone else seems to get it right. Big, bold and brave goals and I am still stuck at number one. All I’m thinking of is which bootie short imma wear to the New Year’s Partaaaay.

A few days into the year and reality comes knocking like those guests that come without saying and sit their asses down expecting you to give ‘em tea. Honestly, what’s so hard about picking the damn phone and calling to say you’re coming? If it’s airtime, REVERSE CALL me for heaven’s sake. Because if you come unexpected just know I don’t have 5 loaves and 2 fish lying around to multiply and feed the clan you came with. So reality is at the door and she be like, “Eyyoo sis, you 20 this year! You are an ADULT! And just like that it hit me that I was turning 20. FREAKING TWO ZERO! Like ||||  ||||  ||||  |||| .Finally I get to use these sticks.

Anyway, that’s when I downloaded some book called ‘The Defining Decade’ and the title just put 115 tonnes of pressure in Newton per square metre on me if you know what I mean ( and if you don’t who told you to drop Physics, whooo?) I learnt a bunch of stuff from the book like I should have my career and relationship figured out in time. But how when I can’t last long enough in a relationship to move in with my boyfriend and live my bra at his house? Btw, how long do you wait to leave stuff at your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s place? But how if the only savings I have are the stubborn 1 bobs that refused to get out of my jumbo junior elephant? Curse you 1 bobs! I didn’t eat patco because of youuuu! But how if all I want is to drop out of school but still end up as a billionaire?

At the end of the day, should I plan how at 24 years I should be working, at 25 be married and by 30 have all my children and end up being frustrated that I got married at 31, OR should I just cross the bridge after each level, OR plan nonetheless but with room for adjustments to shit because life can be a real asshole and make you chill without Netflix but just with Inspekta Mwala!

Yaaaaaasss! That’s the most adulting thing I have ever said. I am adulting!  But one last act of being nineteen and petty… I can’t wait for my folks, aunts, uncles and the village elder to ask me, “Nani, kwani when are you getting married?”

And I be like, “so when is your funeral? And who will be placing flowers on your grave? ”papapaoooooooo!

Excuse me but we cannot be planning for my future only. Let’s also plan yours. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.

  But you nah mean?

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30 Comments

  4. Archie on

    I think I miss childhood,they don’t put out weetabix and snacks for you no more cause you’re a FREAKING adult,the more we grow the more we eat…..
    Loved this btw

  6. TIMOTHY MAKOKHA on

    Lol
    Finally got to use the sticks😂😂😭
    Amazing read for anyone in their 20s as they navigate through lige

  13. The Authors on

    I hope you really enjoyed the read!You can also share your fears about turning an year older and the craziness it will bring.😁