Friends are like jeans. Ebu fanya CAT uone wako ni wagani. Some are those that just keep on falling even after wearing your Gucci belt, some are the mom jeans that fit your waist and make your butt big and juicy but in real sense hakuna kitu huko nyuma, some fit you perfectly the first 2 days but after you wash them they just look like Fe2O3.nH2O yaani rust and some are ragged. Some trends tho zimezidi. Kidogo kidogo kuvaa uniform ya high school itakuwa the “in” thing. It can’t be me wearing a green sweater, red skirt and brown Toughees na bado mnanichocha ati ninakaa Princess of Sussex. Anyway, some jeans fit you right and they are your ‘party best’ juu siku hizi watu hawarelate ukisema ‘Sunday best’.
It’s so hard to find this type of friends who just fit right. Let me tell you why. These people you call best friends after Mungu waogope. These are the people who just go for your man/girl and still be smiling at you like every day is Christmas. Aki ya nani trust no one juu hii dunia weeeuuh! Heri niishi Venus nichomeke tu.
In friendship there is bro code and sis code right? But seriously guys, who made the rules? Some are actually meaningful like being your guy’s wingman or your girl’s wing-woman but some I don’t know what to make out of them. Why can’t a guy/girl date their friend’s ex? Kwani who are you? Destiny’s child? Ebu let people love whoever they want to love. You never know if they’ll be the next Barack and Michelle Obama or even Justin and Selena wenye wataachana tu. Just because I have said this I definitely do not agree with guys/girls hitting on their friend’s partner. Haikuangi poa. Your friend has trusted you on this one na hata kama ameiva kama maembe ya Kitui please tafuta tu ndimu ukule. One more thing, boys and girls, be aware that there are thirsty and hungry people in the desert. Wewe si shetani kwa hivyo temptation itabidi uwaachie Eve na Nyoka, hao ndio mapro.
In other news, it’s so hard to buy friends gifts. First of all, because you don’t have money. Sometimes you just want to go all out and take your friend to Kempinski and dine together, laugh together lakini reality ni huna pesa ata ya kumpeleka Klabu ama chuom so unaamua kumpost hadi Tumblr. The fact is, it’s hard to buy your friends gifts because you don’t know them. You don’t know them because all you talk about ni “tupatane hapo Blend tuchafue meza” or talk about which shawtie has the biggest boobs in your class or the newest gengetone. It’s so sad that superficial talk is all we have. Na sisemi ati sasa tuongee kuhusu umuhimu wa miti ama mmomonyoko wa udongo…ok we should but you get what I mean ey? I am just saying make sure you know more than your friend’s favourite bottie.
Remember when your teacher, pastor, sheikh, village chief na labda hata president said, “Pick your friends wisely”? It’s the realest statement ever made and as you grow you gotta decide who’s for keeps and who’s going straight to Dandora Dumpsite kabla gari ya takataka iende. I mean cut off people who do not add value to you maguys. Wakate kabisa na kama huna makasi mimi ninauza kwa Idon’tfuckwithyounomore.com kwa bei ya jioni. Jikwachulie yako leo.
Decisions ma’ friend…you nah mean?