When I was 7 years old all my mind thought of when we entered the grocery store is salt & vinegar crisps, dairy fresh, bibo and that typa stuff.Now I am 20 years old, well, I still think about food as if I don’t have bigger problems like why in the world I have to make my bed! Wait! That’s a smaller problem. I meant why I’m Catholic.
Soooo, since my folks think I am a grown ass woman (PS: I think it should be little ass woman because honestly my ass ain’t filling the face of the earth like Beyoncé) I am sent my monthly allowance on M-pesa. Here is where it goes down.
Now I am out here on the toilet paper isle picking 3 different types of tissue as if my ass gives a hoot if it’s pink or green. After I have picked all other things that I should probably be buying when I am 34 years old, I go to the food isle. It is so typical of me to be like I only need bread, margarine, some rice and flour. How in the heavens I end up buying 7 types of spices, eggs that I am goddamn allergic to, beef and pork sausages not caring if I even have a refrigerator in my bedsitter, I really don’t know. And how could I forget to buy Nutella, ham, cupcakes, juice and a whole bunch of stuff that honestly will just be in my house for show?
When I think I am done, I start walking to the counter and just before I reach I see some book on sale. Yes y’all haters, I read! You gotta read or pretend to read atleast. I am now at the counter and the line is so long I might as well shop for the Cadbury, Tictac and Orbit that’s normally on the isle at the counter.
Now that I just pick up everything, it’s just funny how I never think of picking condoms. But how though do you just stretch your arm right to the top to pick a condom? You can never raise your hand in class to answer a simple 2×5 question but you’re here raising your hand to pick like 4 packets in different flavours! Who are you? The ice-cream man? Seriously guys, those of you at the back of the line could you please stop judging others because they now have to pick weird combos like salt with condoms, batteries with condoms, milk with condoms… Please just stop!
It’s my turn to pay and as every item passes the Barcode reader I am like Damn! Shit! Damn again! Sharks! Cow!
Anyway, so I pay the freaking thousands and then they dare ask if they should add packing bags to my bill. Do people just like digging into a sore spot or what? Of course son of a biscuit! Add packing bags. Because the girl thinks she has money she takes an Uber to her house, unpacks and arranges everything. My house looks like Carrefour.
I dunno why it didn’t hit me any earlier but when I am sound asleep dreaming about this Alejandro and María De Samparada kinda love life, some devil has the nerve to wake me up to remind me lesson 1 of financial management. “Always save for every shilling you spend.” Well dudes and dudettes, I forgot to save, I freaking forgot and I am in a tonne load of problems. What am I going to do?
Decisions ma’friend … you nah mean?